Why am I like this?

Sometimes I wonder why I'm so weak. You'd think, after all this time, that I would have mastered some of the sins in my life. Instead, I find myself coming back constantly to what Paul says in Romans 7: "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing."

While writing this, I'm listening to John Mayer's "In Repair" on loop. And I think the line that appeals is when he says, "I'm in repair. I'm not together but I'm getting there."

I think that I hate being in process. I like end points, and having things settled. I really do hate that I don't have certain things in my life settled, and I never will. But there is value in being in repair, and there is refinement in wanting to be better. I suppose that's why we need Jesus. If we were capable of being complete and settle things ourselves, we wouldn't need grace.

I'm not together, but I'm getting there.